


Your Worst Fears

by canicallyoumaddie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Keith angst, Keith just wants to know who he is, Lance is mean, Not really romantic, Platonic Klangst, Rejection, Season 2 VLD, What if Keith had seen Lance instead of Shiro, blade of marmora, character exploration, intense angst, kangst, let my son rest, platonic klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 00:32:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10373682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canicallyoumaddie/pseuds/canicallyoumaddie
Summary: What if Keith had seen Lance instead of Shiro at the Blade of Marmora hideout?





	1. Your Worst Fears Revealed

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to auroura101 on tumblr for poisoning my mind with this idea; it's the first angst I've written and it nearly killed me but also check out the art she did for it! It's amazing! 
> 
> Enjoy the suffering, I hate making my son sad.
> 
> (also there's like, a lot of angst. I changed the tags because it's like, intense angst.)
> 
> Edit (8-3-18): I changed this fic from M/M to Gen because it’s not a romantic ship. There’s some stuff that could be romantic-ish but it’s really intended to be platonic.

“Keith. Wake up. Buddy? You ok?”

Keith slowly opened his eyes, wincing at the pain that was wracking his body. He must have been fighting for hours, maybe even days. The phrase “Knowledge or Death” came to mind, like a whisper, and the events of the previous (what felt like an) eon came back to him.

“Lance?” He asked, surprised and confused to see the lanky youth crouched next to him. “What are you doing here? I thought it’d be two days before the passage opened up.”

“You’ve been out for a while; we decided to come looking for you anyway–busted in, guns blazing and all. We’re in the middle of patching things up, but Allura sent me to check on you. Shiro would have come, but you know–Black Paladin, leader of Voltron and all.”

Keith furrowed his brows. It sort of made sense; of course his teammates would come for him if he and Shiro took too long to get back. He tried to push himself onto one elbow. “So, what now? I need to get back to the Blade of Marmora–I need them to tell me who I really am!” Panic laced his voice as he tried to get to his feet. His legs buckled under him, causing him to fall into Lance’s arms. Lance set him on his feet gently, but kept a firm hold on Keith’s bicep.

“Don’t be stupid, Keith. You’d be putting us in more danger if you pressed them for answers. Haven’t you had enough? They’ve been whaling on you for over a day, and now you’ve just pissed them off with that stunt you pulled. I’m so tired of having to clean up your messes–we all are.” He jabbed a finger into Keith’s chest, all friendliness leaving his voice. “You’re reckless, irresponsible, and an endangerment to the team, and if you don’t get it together and drop this stupid knife business, we may have to drop _you_.”

The emphasis on his last statement cut Keith to the core. He had just started to believe he and Lance could be friends, but now? Lance was practically snarling at him. And the frustrating part was…he was right. “I’m sorry, Lance. I’m sorry for letting you down. And I’m sorry that you still hate me, after all we’ve been through. I know I’m not the most composed member of the team, but…you’d kick me out? Just like that?” He sounded small, shrinking more and more into himself. His heart was breaking–his worst fears being realized. “But Lance…I have to know. This may be my only shot to find out why I have this knife! Where I came from! I didn’t ask for this, but now that I’m here, I can’t just _give up_.”

“Fine. You’re as good as dead to us, then. Don’t bother coming back. I’m sure it won’t take long for Red to move on…or the rest of us, for that matter,” Lance spat as he turned his back to walk away.

Keith was overcome with regret after hearing the hate in Lance’s words. He was being stupid, he couldn’t just abandon his team…his _family_. “Lance, wait!” He cried.

But it was too late. Lance was gone.


	2. Waking Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the events at the Blade Headquarters (aka, The Sequel to What If?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta dance! Here is the sequel (along with a few more chapters to flesh out the story) to 'Your Worst Fears'! I'm keeping the title, and will be giving the chapters names. 
> 
> Hold on to your hats, buckaroos, here comes the angst.

As Keith regained consciousness, he could hear muffled conversation outside his pod. The door whooshed open, and he stumbled forward in a daze. He felt arms encircle him, keeping him from collapsing to the floor. His legs were still numb from the cryonics of the healing pod, and he shivered. Blinking into focus, he realized he was tucked safely into Shiro’s chest.

“Shiro?” He asked, voice hoarse from disuse. “What happened? Why was I in a pod?”

Shiro, after making sure Keith was able to stand on his own, replied, “Do you remember what happened at the Blade of Marmora’s base?”

Keith furrowed his brow, kneading the sides of his head. He had a splitting headache and the light was hurting his eyes. “I was…I was trying to find out what my knife meant. Why I had it.”

Shiro nodded, producing the knife from a sheath around his waist. “You were able to activate it—Kolivan says that the only way you could do that is if you were…” Shiro cleared his throat and attempted to soften his expression. “Well, if you were Galra. At least, _part_ Galra.”

Keith’s eyes widened in shock as his memories flooded back to him.

_I fought for days to try to find out why I had that knife._

_I saw my father._

_Red attacked the base because she thought I was in danger._

_I activated the knife._

_I’m Galra._

_…Lance…_

Keith’s eyes snapped up to meet Shiro’s, growing ever wider in panic. “Lance. _What happened_? Where is he?” He tried to push past, but was blocked by a muscular arm. Frustrated, Keith opened his mouth to demand he move; then saw Lance standing by the infirmary doors, staring at him. “Lance—“

The look on Lance’s face was unreadable as he turned to leave, shoulders slumped ever-so-slightly. Keith’s mouth grew dry in fear. “What _happened_ , Shiro?” Keith repeated. “I _can’t remember_.”

Shiro glanced over his shoulder at a receding Lance and sighed. “Keith…Do you remember what happened before you thought you saw your father?” He asked.

Keith gave him a puzzled look. “Wait, you mean when Lance let me know that you all had come to get me?” He asked. “I mean, I’m sure that seeing my dad was some dumb test that the Blade came up with, but I remember Lance coming into that training room and helping me up. He…” Keith blanched. “He said I was being selfish. That you guys would leave me if I didn’t give up on figuring out why I have that knife…” he said, seeming to barely process the words he was saying. “He…he hates me, Shiro.”

Shiro gave him a sympathetic look and placed a heavy hand on his uninjured shoulder. “Keith, I think there’s something you need to know.”

Keith stood stock-still as Shiro explained the suit the Blade had put him in for the Trials. _It…it was all in my head_? Keith thought, feeling sick to his stomach. “So…I _imagined_ Lance?” Keith asked. He was in shock. “Wait, Shiro, what does that _mean_? Why would I imagine _him_ saying all those horrible things to me? I know he and I don’t get along, but I understand that he doesn’t hate me.” _Does he?_

“Kolivan said that the suit showed you who you most wanted to see. What you were most afraid of losing,” Shiro said in a low voice. “The suit showed Lance turning his back on you—threatening to take away the closest thing you had to family.”

Keith found it difficult to process that information. “Wait, so the suit was basically saying that I was the most afraid of _Lance_ abandoning me?” Keith shook his head, “That doesn’t even make sense. If anything, I should have seen _you_ …You’re like a brother to me. I would be devastated if you did that...”

"I don't know if it's wise to try to read into it right now. While you were out, Kolivan came on board to talk to the princess about our attack on the Galra," Shiro replied, removing his hand from Keith's shoulder. Keith noticed that he had bags under his eyes, and had a sneaking suspicion that that was his fault.

"So...do I just ignore what happened with Lance? Does he even know what I saw? I...I don't know what to do, here," Keith said, growing worried.

"I would just leave him be for now. I think we all need a little rest—especially you. Even though that pod healed your injuries, it didn't minimize your exhaustion."

Keith nodded, the distraction of shock fading and allowing the brunt of his fatigue to hit him. He felt his legs shake a little now that Shiro’s supporting hand had left his shoulder cold.

“I'm going to my room,” Keith said, shuffling toward the door. He felt himself shiver from the lingering chill, but pressed forward. He didn't make eye contact with Shiro again.

***

After resting, Keith rejoined the team on the bridge. He was surprised to see Kolivan still on board, a silent Antok at his side. He scowled involuntarily, anger about the mindscape they had trapped him in with the suit showing through his normally stoic expression.

“Ah, Keith! You've rejoined us,” Coran said, acknowledging his presence as he entered the room. He did not fail to notice the pointed silence of the princess; she refused to meet his eyes and instead stared straight ahead at a hologram of Zarkon’s ship. Keith nodded at Coran, then took a seat in his chair on the right. Lance was staring at him funny. He tried not to notice. _I'm sure he hates me now_ , Keith thought.

The conversation resumed, and Keith tried to pay attention, but found it difficult to do so. He was so preoccupied with what Lance was thinking that he failed to notice he was being spoken to.

“—eith?” Shiro asked, “Are you okay?”

Keith must have zoned out. “What?”

“Your eyes just glazed over. We’ve been trying to get your attention for a few minutes. Kolivan wants to speak with you.”

Keith looked over to the Galra and frowned. _Now what does he want_? He thought. He got up from his seat and reluctantly trudged over to him. Kolivan gestured for them to move to a corner of the bridge, out of earshot from the rest of the team.

“What do you want?” Keith asked petulantly. He could tell that Kolivan was refraining from snapping back at him, but he didn’t particularly care. “You already put me in a healing pod—what more could you have to say to me?”

Kolivan visibly tensed, pupil-less eyes hardening as he prepared to respond. “We warned you of the consequences of your decision—you acted accordingly, so we responded as we said we would.”

“But...But that’s ridiculous!” Keith sputtered, “you messed with my _mind_!”

“Which is one of the tests we put new members of the Blade through. We didn’t treat you any differently than we would one of our own.”

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and set his teeth. He _understood_ that. He just didn’t understand why Lance was the one he saw.

“What are you supposed to see when you have the suit on?” He asked.

Kolivan looked at him, perplexed. “What do you mean?”

“I saw...someone. Someone I didn’t expect to see. I want to know why.”

Keith glared at the Blade’s leader, waiting for an answer. He was left waiting for a solid minute before Kolivan answered.

“You saw who you desperately wanted to see in that moment. It is not our fault that they were someone you were not expecting. The suit acts upon thoughts and feelings that we ourselves may not know of before they are revealed to us,” he said simply, crossing his huge arms across his chest.

“But…But…I know myself pretty well—I should have seen the one person who is practically family to me, not some…some cocky asshole who I met a few months ago!” The words exploded out of Keith, and he realized the other members of the team, still on the other side of the room, were staring at him. “Shit.”

The clack of boots echoed into the silence as Lance quickly strode out of the room. No one moved to stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and commenting! It means a lot to see people enjoy my writing!  
> <3 Thanks to auroura101 on tumblr and my commenters for inspiring me to keep this story going


	3. Sleep Paralysis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's made a pretty big mistake, and Lance is more than pissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst-filled story continues!

“Wait, Lance!” Keith called, racing down the hall after him. “I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Like what, then, Keith?” Lance whirled around, pupils the size of pin points. “How else would you have meant it? Because I’m pretty damn sure you meant that you think I’m an asshole.”

Keith gave Lance a pained look. “I didn’t mean that I _still_ think that you’re an asshole…” Shuffling his feet, he looked down at his shoes intently. “I can’t deny that I thought that at one time, but...not anymore. You’re a good teammate, Lance. You’ve had my back more times than I can count.”

Lance looked unimpressed, crossing his arms. “Sure.”

Keith looked up at him and grimaced. “Lance…”

“What, Keith? Am I supposed to just suddenly forget the shitty way you've treated me? Or forget that your first instinct is to say I'm an asshole?”

“That's not what I meant…”

“I'm tired, Keith. I'm tired of feeling like nothing I do is good enough for you, and I'm tired of you acting like it's okay to be such a shithead to me—in front of me and behind my back,” Lance said, kneading his temples. “Look, just leave me alone, okay?” He turned on his heel and stalked off, leaving Keith speechless and alone in the hallway.

 _Fat lot of good that did_ , Keith thought bitterly as he moved to return to the bridge. _Now he hates me more than ever_.

When Keith returned to the bridge, all eyes (sans Lance’s) were on him. Ignoring the inquisitive stares, he returned to his pilot’s chair. He knew his conversation with Kolivan would need to continue, but he didn't feel like being hassled any more that evening. He caught Shiro’s eye and sighed. _Just leave me alone_ , he thought, trying to telepathically keep Shiro from asking too many questions. Mercifully, Shiro seemed to take the hint. 

He zoned out the remainder of the debriefing, trusting that Shiro or Pidge would update him later.

“Keith?”

He looked up at the concerned expression on Pidge’s face. “Hm?”

“Are you...are you okay?” She asked, face twisted with worry. 

“Yeah, why wouldn't I be?” He replied as nonchalantly as he could. If he was lucky, no one had heard his falling out with Lance in the hall. 

Pidge fiddled with the fabric of her suit. “Well...Lance just stormed out and you came back looking angry—I guess I'm just worried?”

Keith gave her as reassuring a smile as he could muster and said, “Don’t worry about it, Pidge, ok? I'm fine. I think Lance is just in a bad mood today.”

“But—”

“—Pidge.”

“Okay,” she put her hand on his shoulder, “if you need anything, or just want to talk, I'm here for you, okay?” 

Keith nodded, and she patted twice before leaving the bridge altogether. _I wish I could, Pidge_.

When he finally decided to leave the bridge, too, he found himself running smack-dab into Hunk outside his room. Squinting up at the gentle giant, he rubbed the sore spot on his head. “Hey, what's up?”

Hunk did not smile.

“Oh-kay, what'd I do wrong this time?” Keith asked, frowning.

“What did you do to Lance?” _Geez this guy doesn't beat around the bush, does he? _Keith thought.__

____

“I didn't do anything. I tried to reason with him but he refused to listen to what I had to say and stormed off,” Keith replied, frown deepening. “Why?”

____

Hunk sighed and ran a gloved hand over his face. “Well, I've been looking for him and he doesn't seem to be anywhere, which is _impossible_ , because we are in space.”

____

That surprised Keith. Usually Lance would pout out in the open; it was a sure fire way to get attention, and he usually liked being around other people, anyway. Or, well, that was the impression Keith had.

____

“Is it particularly bad if he's just holed up somewhere alone, where he needs his space, though?” Keith asked, trying to be as helpful as he could be without actually having to _do_ anything.

____

“Keith,” Hunk said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I know you guys aren't on the most awesome of terms, but if he's gone off by himself, it's not good.”

____

Well, that was surprising.

____

“Have you checked his lion?” Keith offered.

____

“That was the last place I was headed to look but...well, I think it'd be better if you went,” Hunk admitted. _This is your fault, you know_ , Keith’s brain supplied. 

____

Sighing deeply, Keith nodded. “Okay,” he replied. 

____

Hunk looked slightly surprised, but nodded in return. “Good luck, dude,” he said.

____

Keith began walking toward the hangars, waving over his shoulder. “Okay, if I were a Lance, where would I be?” He asked himself, patting his legs rhythmically as he walked. _Probably hiding from you, asshole_ , the dark something in the back of his mind replied. Keith shook his head vigorously. “Shut up.”

____

His boots clacked against the metal floors, echoing off the metal walls of the sterile hallway. He hadn't realized before how closely the castle resembled a hospital—cold, unwelcoming, spartan. The warm blue lights were the only thing that separated this castle from the Garrison’s stringent environment, and the comparison was somewhat unsettling. He wondered if Lance had made that same connection, too.

____

After a few minutes of walking, he reached the enormous doors that led to the Blue Lion’s hangar. Taking a deep breath, he palmed the door open and stepped inside. The enormous robot lion loomed above him, giving him a condescending look. _How can a lion look condescending?_ Keith found himself thinking as he willed himself to move forward.

____

“Lance?” He called, looking around for signs of the Blue Paladin. “You in here?”

____

_“Go away.”_

____

Lance’s voice was laced with the tinny sound of the intercom, so Keith assumed he was high in the pilot seat, looking down at him. 

____

“Can we talk?” Keith asked.

_"No."_

“Lance…”

____

_“I’m serious, Keith. Go away.”_

____

Keith looked up at Blue, shielding his eyes from the hangar lights. “Blue, can you reason with him?” He asked, and he felt a very firm _No_ resonate in his mind. Pouting, he replied, “Fine, be that way.”

____

Looking back upwards toward the cockpit, he sighed, yelling so his voice would carry, “Well, if you feel like listening to me, let me know. I’d really like to talk to you about this.”

____

He jumped backward as Blue took a swipe at him, nearly taking his head off. “FUCK! Dude, what the hell!?” He screamed.

____

_“Shoulda’ left while you coulda’ left.”_

____

Sprinting for the hangar door, he shot a glance over his shoulder. He could have sworn he felt a twinge of sadness radiate from Blue, but he couldn’t be absolutely sure without investigating further; something he was not willing to risk that evening.

____

Trudging back to the main room, he slumped into one of the chairs beside Pidge, curling up next to her.

____

“Rough day?”

____

“You have no idea.”

____

“Tried to talk to Lance?” She asked.

____

“What do you think?” Keith supplied helpfully. The two exchanged a look.

____

“Fine, don’t talk to me about it, see if I care,” Pidge replied, tucking her feet underneath her small frame. “It looks like you got a one-two punch to the emotional gut from our beloved Blue Paladin, though, if you ask me.”

____

Keith gave her a glare, and she said, “Which you didn’t.”

____

“Right.”

____

She shifted to face him and gave him a sympathetic look. “But really, what’s wrong? You were all weird when you got back from the BoM and I’m actually, genuinely worried about you.”

____

Leave it to Pidge to be the most intuitive of the whole fucking group. “Okay, do you seriously want to know?” He asked. 

____

“Yes, dumbass, I wanna know,” she replied.

____

Taking a deep breath, he started from the beginning. He told her everything—from the freaky suit thing, to seeing Lance, to not even realizing that Lance was a figment of his imagination—the whole thing. He started to get a little anxious when she continued to sit there in moderately-shocked silence, and once he had finished, waited for her to respond.

____

“So wait, you saw _Lance_ , of all people. Who you allegedly hate—”

____

“—I do not _allegedly_ hate him!”

____

“Yeah, I’m sure he allegedly _totally_ knows that right now.”

____

“Pidge, he sicced Blue on me!”

____

“Which, honestly, Keith, you probably deserved!” Pidge retorted, breathless. “Look, Keith, I don’t know what the _fuck_ is going on between you guys but work it out because we are literally about to be fighting Zarkon to the death. His or ours. And I’d _really_ rather it not be ours. You feel me?”

____

Keith didn’t know what to say. Pidge was right, of course, but he was still pissed. _But why am I so mad?_ He couldn’t help but think. 

____

“Why are you so mad?” Pidge’s words echoed his own thoughts. “You’re literally oozing rage right now. What did Lance do to you, dude? Did he say something? Something we didn’t hear?”

____

“No.”

____

_Yes._

____

“I know you’re lying to me,” Pidge said, frowning. “Fess up.”

____

Keith groaned and flopped onto his side, away from Pidge. “Okay,” he said, voice muffled by the couch cushions. “But you have to _swear_ not to tell.”

____

Pidge crossed her heart and waited.

____

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I appreciate all your comments and kudos!!


	4. Lucid Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other shoe drops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie wow that took forever, didn’t it? I ended up completely rewriting what i had for this chapter because it didn’t set the tone I wanted properly. It’s not intended to be a romance, and it started to sound that way, so I decided to kind of turn the ship in another direction. 
> 
> I hope that you enjoy this chapter, it’s a little short, but I’ve been really kind of unmotivated, so this was an attempt to pick things back up again. Thanks again for reading!!  
> —————————————

Keith shifted awkwardly in his seat and closed his eyes, tilting his head to the ceiling.

“Pidge, am I really that awful to Lance?”

He meant to sound exasperated, but instead the question came out quiet; meek.

Pidge looked at him thoughtfully and hummed. “I think _he_ thinks you’re awful to him.”

”But why!?” Keith sputtered, “He’s the one who’s always antagonizing me!”

”Yeah, but the stuff you say can come across kinda...harsh.”

Keith looked at her in surprise. “No harsher than he is to me, though, right?”

”I think…” Pidge’s face twisted. “I think that he doesn’t mean what he says. He likes attention, and honestly, you’re a little fun to rile up.”

” _What??_ ”

”I’m just saying, that may be why he gives you so much grief.”

”But, surely he knows…”

Pidge shook her head. “I don’t think so, Keith...But you didn’t answer the question. What did he say to you?”

Keith breathed in heavily through his nose. “He uh...he said that I talk shit about him behind his back and...that what he does is never good enough for me.”

Pidge let out a low whistle. “Wow. I’m surprised he had the balls to finally tell you.”

”What you you mean by _that_??” Keith said. His eyes widened as realization dawned. “Had he been thinking that for long?”

”Hmm, let’s think about this— _yes_ , Keith.”

”But...but...why didn’t he just say something?” Keith asked, dumbfounded. “Does he hate me that much to just stew in silence?”

”Well, it wasn’t _silence_...”

”You get the point, Pidge.”

”But no, he doesn’t hate you. Well, he may hate you now, but I think more than anything he’s just confused. Remember, you did call him an asshole in front of everyone, making him upset enough to storm out. And he sicced Blue on you.”

”If anything, I should be the one who’s confused. I’m the one who’s half-Galra, related to the people who destroyed Allura and Coran’s home planet,” Keith grumbled.

Pidge looked at him sympathetically. “But you also train harder than all of us, and immediately became passionate for the cause. I know you’re confused, especially since your brain decided that losing _Lance_ would make you feel the most devastated, but–“

“–What?”

Both Pidge and Keith’s heads snapped up in the direction of the voice. Lance was standing in the doorway, slack-jawed. He swallowed hard and repeated, “What did you say?”

”Fuck…” Keith hissed, and shot Pidge a pleading look when she got up to exit the room.

”I’m gonna give you two some privacy,” she said, edging out the door after awkwardly patting Lance on the arm. “Try not to kill each other.”

The two teenagers stared at each other silently, blinking; one in disbelief, and the other in fear. Lance rubbed the back of his neck and tore his eyes away from Keith’s.

”You’d be devastated to lose me?” Lance asked. His voice sounded so, so small in the wake of his previous outbursts; it made Keith feel like he was being looked at under a microscope.

”It’s...complicated.” Keith said, exhaling loudly. “But I guess, deep down, yeah—I would be.”

He expected to see a smile bloom on Lance’s face, but instead watched a sour look spread across his normally so relaxed features. Lance sighed and crossed his arms. “You seem pretty torn up about it. I didn’t realize that being concerned about me was such a _burden_.”

”Come on, Lance that’s unfair–“

”Is it?” Lance’s head whipped up and his eyes looked a bit shinier than usual. “You have been acting like a kicked puppy ever since coming back from the Blade headquarters, and it’s honestly a really shitty look for you.”

Keith was flabbergasted. “Just in case you missed it, _newsflash_ , genius—I’m _Galra_. I’m now a liability to this team, and I’m pretty sure Allura hates me, and I really need you to just lay _off_ , okay?”

”Oh, _grow up_ , Keith. You’re still the golden child of the whole team—you didn’t _stop_ being the best pilot, or the best fighter—you just found out you aren’t a full human. Whoop-dee-doo. So what if Allura’s pissed? She’s pissed all the time!” Lance had thrown his arms out to the side, clearly exasperated. “Look, Keith, I’m sorry you’re feeling down, but we’ve got a war going on, man. It’s gotta stop being pity party time.”

”When I was trapped in the suit’s mindscape, I saw you.”

The words left Keith’s mouth before he could stop them. He had realized Lance hadn’t really heard the full story of what had happened to shake Keith up so badly. 

”...what?”

Keith’s breath caught in his throat. _Well, too late to back out, now,_ he thought.

”I saw you. I thought…” Keith began to blink rapidly, valiantly fighting the tears that started to well up as he remembered. “You said that I was selfish. That I was an _endangerment to the team_. You said…” His voice cracked, and he internally berated himself for being so weak.

Lance’s face had softened considerably as he watched Keith break down before his eyes. “What did I say?” He whispered, barely loud enough for Keith to hear.

Keith swallowed what felt like a rock in his throat before replying, “You said that I’d be dropped from the team. That _you’d_ drop me.”

Keith had never heard his voice sound so...scared. He sounded like he was facing his dad after breaking a neighbor’s window; sheepish and scared and vulnerable. Like he’d done something wrong and he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. When did he become afraid of _Lance_?

”You know I’d never do that, though, right?”

Keith looked up, eyebrows furrowing as he met Lance’s eyes.

Lance’s shoulders rose and fell with the deep breath he took before reiterating, “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Keith could hardly believe what he was hearing. “You wouldn’t?”

Lance looked shocked. “Dude, no!” Lance’s eyebrows knit together as he tore his eyes away from Keith’s to scrutinize his shoes. “I wouldn’t do that to you. You’re a member of this team, and you may be reckless and hotheaded, but you’re not a bad _person_. You wouldn’t intentionally hurt any of us. You might accidentally, but that’s another story.”

”Lance, I…”

Lance held up a hand. “It sounds like that suit had you pretty rattled, and based on our friendship track record, I’d probably be freaked out, too, if you’d shown up for me rather than someone like Hunk, for instance.”

Keith didn’t know what to say. Since when did Lance get so… _cool_?

”You don’t have to say anything,” Lance said, like he’d just read Keith’s thoughts. “I think I have a better idea of why you said the stuff you did. I’m working through my own issues, and I guess I should have given you the benefit of the doubt.”

”Thanks, Lance...that’s...really cool of you. I’m sorry I said that you were an asshole. I don’t think you are anymore—but I am sorry I thought it in the first place,” Keith said, picking at his gloves mindlessly. “You’re a good guy.”

”I know,” Lance said, winking. “Guess you’ll just have to owe me one.”

Keith’s brow pinched as he watched Lance prance out of the main room. “Owe you one?” He repeated to himself. _What in the world does_ that _mean_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to skyesentinels on tumblr for looking this over for me and being such an encouragement!


	5. Deep Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making things up to Lance? Not fun. Reconciling and becoming closer friends? Definitely fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GEEZ LOUISE IT’S BEEN A WHILE! Sorry about that. It’s been a really hard time for me, especially since I’m not really part of fandom anymore. But I refuse to let negativity take writing from me! So I’m trying to recover my love for it. I hope you enjoy this resolution to a semi-emotional fic that surprisingly still holds up even after so long, imo. I don’t hate it, at least _(:3｣∠)_ 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and commenting, your support and love is always so appreciated!

Keith wrinkled his nose and dipped the sponge back into the cleaning solution, regretting this whole situation immensely. When Lance said he’d “owe him one,” he didn’t really expect cleaning healing pods to be the thing Lance wanted as penance. 

“Oh, come on, it’s not  _that_ _bad,”_ Lance said, smirking as he leaned against a nearby pod. “Besides, you never have to clean. Coran gets me in here all the time to do the dirty work.”

”It  _sucks,”_ Keith grunted, scrubbing at the still-frozen grime inside. “Why are we cleaning all of them? Don’t we only use like, one?”

”Yeah, well...I dunno. Coran’s got his own thing.”

Keith stayed quiet, allowing a hush to fall over the room. It was strange, being in the same room with someone he’d just recently been in a fight with. There was an awkwardness still permeating the room that was slightly uncomfortable; like there were things still left unsaid. They’d agreed to be civil for the time being, but Keith hoped for more than a temporary truce. He just...didn’t know what to say. His thoughts were interrupted, though, by Lance’s voice across distance between them. 

“So...it’s weird, right? That you actually like me. As a person.”

Keith’s eyes flicked to Lance, noticing the dubious look on his face. “What do you mean?” he asked, “I’ve never disliked you. Just...we didn’t exactly get along. But you were my teammate, and just because you were kinda annoying—“

”—Hey!”

”—doesn’t mean I didn’t like you. I just...didn’t know how to deal with you.” He put down the sponge and gestured to Lance. “You’ve got a lot of energy. It was overwhelming. What do you expect from a guy who lived alone for a year in the desert?”

“I guess. I just…you said you didn’t remember me and it was frustrating and then you acted like you didn’t like me—“ When Keith started to protest, he added “—c’mon, you never acted like you _liked_ me. You just tolerated me.”

He’d...never thought of it that way before. As he bit his lip, he lowered the sponge and his eyes. “Yeah, I guess so. Sorry.”

“Bygones,” Lance replied, pushing himself off the pod and walking over to grab the other sponge from the solution. “But I’m glad to know that you actually do want to be my friend. And that you think we’re a good team. It means a lot.” 

“So…are we friends, now, or something?” Keith asked, raising an eyebrow and sticking out a tentative hand to shake.

Lance looked down at the proffered hand and grinned. “Talk to me after you finish cleaning. Then maybe.”

Keith groaned and waved his hand around. “ _Lance_.”

“Okay, fine, geez.” Lance stuck out his hand and took Keith’s to shake it. “Friends.”

Lance began to clean, as well, and the pair did so in silence until Keith noticed Lance look back over at him with a curious expression. “So…Galra Keith. Are you gonna sprout ears or something?”

Keith sighed, exasperated. “Oh my god,  _Lance_. I’m just Keith. I’ve always been Galra, I just didn’t know it. You knew me even when I was Galra, because I always have been.”

Lance put up his hands in surrender, slinging a little bit of cleaner onto the floor as he did so. “I know, I know, I just—ears.”

“You are the weirdest person I know, you know that?” Keith said as a small smile crept over his face. “But you’ve honestly changed a lot since we’ve been up here.”

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Lance replied. “You’re still grumpy and still a loner.” Keith his face start to get hot, but after seeing the beginnings of a shit-eating grin on Lance’s face, realized he was being teased. He shoved Lance hard enough to nearly bowl him over.

“That’s not funny, Lance,” Keith said, trying not to smile. “I’m not _grumpy_.”

“You so are.”

Keith scoffed. “How am I grumpy?”

Lance shot him a flat look. “Keith. You stand with your arms crossed as a default. Your eyebrows are so furrowed you are going to give yourself wrinkles before you’re twenty-five, and you hardly ever smile.”

“I smile!” Keith demonstrated with a bastardized version of what he hoped looked like a smile.

“That is not a smile. That looks like you’re in pain.”

_Well…so much for trying._

“I’m not as good at communicating my emotions as you guys are,” Keith said. “I…never had to learn. I just punched stuff.”

“And people.”

Keith snorted. “And people.”

Lance looked at Keith curiously for a moment. “Did you actually forget who I was at the Garrison?”

That threw Keith for a loop. “What?”

Lance pressed, “Did you actually forget me? When we were rescuing Shiro? Did you really not know me?”

Keith thought about that for a moment…and decided to be honest. “No. I didn't forget.”

Lance spluttered, waving his arms indignantly. “I fucking _knew_ it!”

Keith winced and scrubbed at the pod’s wall. “I was just too caught up in the whole ‘rescuing Shiro’ thing that I didn't want to bother with it.” He lowered the sponge slowly and continued, “I guess it never really occurred to me that I could've sounded like such a jerk.”

“Yeah.” Lance scuffed his toe against the floor, making the sound echo in the large room. “Um…while we're on the topic of actually remembering things that happened, and talking about our feelings, I uh—I remember the whole…”—air quotes—“ bonding moment thing.”

Keith's jaw dropped. “I _knew_ it!!!”

Lance chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Yeah, sorry about that. I was embarrassed so I deflected. But after I really thought about it, and _god_ , the look on your face was hilarious, but…yeah, I remember.”

Keith was silent for a moment as he processed everything Lance had said. After a while, he spoke. “We really don’t know how to do this friendship thing with each other, do we?” he said, ending on a chuckle. “There’s been so much miscommunication. It’s like, circling each other and poking at each other for so long made it more difficult to actually have a real conversation.”

“You can say that again—I never thought we’d actually talk about our feelings,” Lance replied, grinning. “Look at us, being all mature.”

“Space has aged me,” Keith said solemnly.

Lance laughed outright. “No, that’s the constant frowning you do.”

“I smile!” Keith insisted.

Lance shrugged, sloshing a little cleaning solution from the sponge as he did. “Whatever, man. I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“It’s just that…we’re in space. In the middle of a war. It’s not like we have lots of reasons to smile.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I have plenty of reasons to smile. I don’t see how you don’t have a single reason to smile more often.”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t relax very easily.”

Lance pointed at him emphatically. “That much is for damn certain. You’re tenser than a Galra on bath day.”

Keith couldn’t hold back a bark of laughter, and Lance looked at him with an incredulous smile.

“Oh my god,” Lance said, voice tinged with disbelief. “You just laughed.”

Keith covered his mouth with his free hand. “No I didn’t,” he said in a muffled voice.

“You just laughed! I just got Galra Keith to laugh!”

Keith dropped his hand from his face. “I laugh all the time!”

“Not at my jokes, you don’t—this is a personal triumph for me.”

Keith rolled his eyes with a grin. “You are so lame.”

Lance’s jaw dropped and he pointed again, finger almost brushing Keith’s nose. “You’re grinning! That’s a full-blown grin!”

“Yes, Lance, we discussed this. I do smile, occasionally. I’ve even smiled during this conversation.”

Lance’s eyes were the size of saucers. “I mean, yeah, but you weren’t like, really smiling. Those were little smiles. This is like…a real smile.” He peered closer at Keith’s partially-open mouth. “Is it just me or do you have like, really nice teeth?”

Keith leaned away from him, raising his eyebrows and snapping his mouth shut. “What?” Keith asked through slightly-parted lips.

“Is that a Galra thing? Your teeth are like, blindingly white and super straight.” Lance kept coming closer and Keith took a step back, away from the scrutiny.

“I think it’s just my teeth, Lance.”

“Did you have braces? I don’t think I remember you having braces at the Garrison.”

“Lance, I think my teeth are just normally this way.”

“Huh. Lucky.”

“Can we please stop talking about my teeth now?” Keith asked.

Lance leaned back, away from Keith. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Keith put his hands on his hips and surveyed his work on the healing pods. “Do you think this is good enough for Coran?”

Lance shrugged. “I dunno, but I don’t wanna keep working. Wanna do something else?”

Keith’s stomach growled. “I’m a little hungry, actually,” he replied. “Kitchen?”

Lance promptly dropped his sponge in the bucket and grinned. “Yup! Kitchen.”

The pair washed their hands off and hurried away to get a snack, talking animatedly as they walked down the corridor. They got a strange look from Hunk and Pidge as they passed, but Keith and Lance were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice. 

Lance looked over at Keith sheepishly. “Sorry for trying to sic Blue on you,” he said. “I shouldn’t’ve done that.”

Keith shrugged and rubbed his neck with a hand. “I shouldn’t have been such a dick to you. You wouldn’t have had a reason to sic her on me.”

”Hm. Well, I thought I’d apologize anyway,” Lance said. “I don’t want any bad karma. It’s bad enough that we’re in the middle of a space war.”

Keith chuckled. “True. I am sorry, though.”

Lance sighed. “Me too. I shouldn’t have taken every opportunity to rile you up. Even if you are really fun to bother,” he said. Keith could see a small smile on his face. “You get really mad really easily.”

”It doesn’t help that you challenge me at every turn!” Keith replied, throwing a hand up in indignation. “You _know_  I’m competitive!”

”I know, and we crashed our lions because you rose to the bait,” Lance said, lacing his fingers behind his neck. “We’re pretty dumb.”

Keith snorted. “You’re pretty dumb, these contests are usually your fault.”

Lance gaped at him, “I resent that!”

Keith shrugged. “Then don’t be dumb.” He couldn’t help but smile at the look of shock on Lance’s face as he realized he was being teased. 

“Are you... _teasing me?”_  Lance asked, utterly flabbergasted. “I can’t believe it—Keith, the Lone Wolf, Hothead space pilot is _teasing_ and making jokes.”

The door to the kitchen opened with a _hiss._ Keith stepped through the doorway first, beelining to the food goo machine and grabbing a bowl from a cabinet nearby. He looked over his shoulder at Lance, who still looked to be in shock from the joking. “You want some?”

”Some what? Goo?” Lance asked, shaking his head as if to clear it. “Yeah, sure.” Keith could hear him muttering to himself, “ _Keith is actually funny, oh my god, this is ridiculous.”_

Keith grabbed a second bowl from the cabinet and grinned to himself. “You okay back there?” 

Lance grumbled, “Yeah, just completely in shock over you turning things around on me.” 

Keith shrugged and handed Lance a bowl of goo. “Serves you right for riling me up all the time. Shoulda’ known it’d come back to bite you one day.

”I just didn’t think it would be _this_ day,” Lance muttered, stabbing his goo with a spoon. 

Keith laughed. “It’s okay, I’ll maintain that Lone Wolf, Hothead space pilot facade if it’ll make you feel better about yourself.”

Lance looked up at him, unamused. “You’re a real buttface.”

Keith shrugged. “You’re friends with this buttface, apparently, so I don’t know what to tell you.”

”Yeah, how that happened, I have no idea. Maybe I should revoke our friendship,” Lance said, shoving a spoonful of goo into his mouth. “There’s only room for one hilarious person and that person should be me!”

Keith mock-gasped. “You think I’m hilarious? Wow.”

Lance shook his head and lifted his eyes, as if to say, “ _Why, god_?”

Keith couldn’t stop grinning. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm editing this post again because I have a comment to make about this fic:  
> The main point of this scene in the episode is to convey how desperate Keith is to be accepted and have a family-when someone he looks up to rejects him, it's devastating. The reason this fic is so intense is because a) I have the same fear and this is basically me writing what my worst fear would be, and b) Lance is supposed to be a partner of his- someone who gets on Keith's nerves, but ultimately has his back. Having the one person that's generally friendly and a good teammate (who he's also trying to bond with) reject him would be heartbreaking. This fic is basically more about Keith than Klance- it's a reflection on his character and his own insecurities and fears. Anyway, decided I wanted to mention that after posting lol. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support!! I love your comments and kudos so much!


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